hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
