Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
