I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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