I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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