I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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