I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
