Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
