Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
