Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
