It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
