Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
