it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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