Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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