Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
