Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
