Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
