I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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