if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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