sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
