some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He has the fingertips of a God
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
