apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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