im holly from the hills drunk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
