we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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