so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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