last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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