She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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