dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
