that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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