YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
