Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
