yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last time i carry you out of a forest
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
