So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
