I wish you could order shots online.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
