Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
