Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
