You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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