I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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