Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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