omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
