Are we in a gay sports bar?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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