A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
