i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
