This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
