There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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