between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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