Umm I'm too high to move.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
