I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
