i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What a dumb baby whore.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
