i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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