he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
