margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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