I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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