Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
