So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
